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| .... and i let it pass by without taking advantage of it...-_-
i think it s the hottest day so far this year.... it s a sunday and it s perfect to do some outdoor activities...yet i slept away most of the day and now i m sitting in the train on my way to vienna..... oh wellz... nothing much i can do..
.... so yeh...what s new... i have been working for a couple of months now.... i used to bitch a lot about work and whine about how i hated my life in the past months..... if i look at the previous entries i actually might have to say that i was depressed... well..... good news is, i feel better now.... bad news is that it s still a long way to go to be what i used to be...
i got adjusted to work...and now belong to the society... i get up early, go to work, get the job done, then go home in the evening and then basically wait for the next day to let the circle of life start again and at the end of the month i get paid... so i have a JOB.... and i m always Just Over Broke.....hooray... a full fletched member of the society...
regarding personal life... well... as long as there is any life left after work... i actually get used to living alone. there are no restraints, no need to justify things i do and the bathroom belongs to me and me alone.....harharharhar...
the only thing that concerns me at the moment is that i m getting fatter by the day.... i sit at the office 8hrs a day and i am too tired to do anything afterwards that would actually do any good to my triceps and biceps and whatever there is that people usually train to keep themselves attractice for both men and women... gosh.... i really need to find some extra energy to get in shape again...
so much about personal matters..... haha....
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| no matter how one still feels towards a person long gone... no matter how much one misses a certain individual in this life... no matter what one says or does..
...once u screw up there is never going to be redemption... no forgiveness... no free pass by the person most important at one point of one s life....
n where there is no redemption nor forgiveness, what else is left to make each other s life more bearable at present point....except for the way toward oblivion ....
n once one walks down the path toward oblivion there is no turning back... all the pain shall be surpressed and best be forgotten.. n so shall be all the joy, luck and happy times ones once shared with another.....
.. it s a hard and probably negative trade off....but what other choices does one have when one got oneself this far?
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| first month of work is over.... i thought it d get better, but long story short....i dont think i like my job...
most of the time i m bored outta my mind...but basically i lack of motivation....and worst of all...i dont see a point in what i m doing...
it s true... there is no reason for me to complain...as everybody says, it s a big company and it s good pay and everybody s got their own share of boredom in their life to carry.... still... i dont think i have ever been this unhappy in my life before...
then again....i wished it was just work... i guess it s the whole picture that makes it impossible to enjoy my life right now.... work is allowed to be boring as long as there is a work life balance... but yeh... there is no balance in my life... nothing worth fighting for...
...the only thing that keeps me going at the moment is that i strongly believe, everybody s got a role to play in the world... and since i dont see where i fit in, i can only guess that my role has not been defined yet... that and the paycheck i just received....
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| huny.... i know u dont want to hear this, coz u dont think it means anything.... and after all that happened i cant even blame u for not believing me... anyways..... i just need to say it...
I am so, so, so, so, endlessly sorry....
i hope u r looking at my blog sometimes...there s a lot i want to tell u here....but u know.... sushi express.... | | |
| ...another 2 weeks has past...i m sitting in the train on my way to vienna again...
i have been working for almost 2 weeks already.... work is fine, boring at first, but getting more interesting every day... it s not what i expected it to be, but what s new about that.... i m also getting adjusted to living in vienna. not as fast as i want it to be, but i guess it takes time, whether i want it or not. at least it s not as bad as it was 2 weeks ago. my daily schedule is very boring...i m getting up at 6.30 a.m., being at the office at 8 a.m. and get off work at 5 p.m. In order to avoid sitting at home alone all the time i try to keep myself busy...calling up people or just go eat at my cousin s place...there s nothing worse than being home alone with ur own thoughts....
anyways...
friendship.... i have been using the word a lot lately... but... what does it mean? can boys and girls be friends only? is it possible to stay friends after a relationship? if the one who breaks up and disappoints, but offers friendship... are u willing to accept it? more importantly...are u able to accept it? what does it take to forgive and forget and be friends like u used to be before anything serious happened? ... seriously...i dont know....
i think offering is not enough... i believe the one who gives up on the other person needs to prove it, show it, try hard to convince that the person actually still cares. but then again...how much is there left to care after giving up? and isnt it selfish to wanting to stay friends with somebody and enjoy all the benefits of a friendship with an once loved person when one actually doesnt care enough to give anymore? how s the "victim" supposed to behave? taking everything in under the illusion of hope that one day one might change one s mind and admit it was a mistake to give up? is that fair? and how much is one supposed to take when already being in the position of being hurt... seriously...i dont know....
but i know one thing for sure....and i can say that, although the circumstances all point towards a relationship, the one, who hurts is selfish and does not deserve the love given by the other one.... coz wanting the same friendship that led to a relationship in the end is just plain stupid.... why do u want a wing only when u can have the whole bird?
i dont think that one should be there for the other person and losing one s self respect trying to win back attention, when one s hurt.. i think the "wrongdoer" is responsible to maintain the friendship if the wrongdoer cares about it... but yeh...that s when i was told i dont know what love is.... | | |
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